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GENERAL ISSUES ON "SINGLE PARENTING"
"SINGLE PARENTING"
(I) SINGLE PARENTING EMOTIONS:
1. Is it normal to feel depressed about single parenting?
2. How do I cope with depression as a single parent?
3. Is it normal to feel inadequate about single parenting?
4. How do I become more confident as a single parent?
5. How do I handle the stress of single parenting?
(II) PREPARING YOURSELF FOR SINGLE PARENTING:
1. Is there any way to financially prepare for single parenting?
2. Why is it important to find support before single parenting?
3. How do I find support before becoming a single parent?
4. When should I find a lawyer during a family separation?
5. Why is mediation better than a lawyer during a family separation?
6. Why should I stay on good terms with my partner during separation?
7. What if my partner refuses to be civil during our separation?
8. How can my partner and I keep our separation civil?
(III) PREPARING CHILDREN FOR SINGLE PARENTING:
1. When should I talk to my child about our family separation?
2. How can I help my child cope with family separation?
3. How to my explain my partner's abandonment to my child?
4. What if my child is angry at me for the family separation?
5. What if my child becomes distant during the family separation?
6. Should I allow my children to decide their custody?
7. Should I tell my child's school about the family separation?
8. Should my children tell their friends about the family separation?
9. How should parents divide a child's property?
(IV) SINGLE PARENT BASICS:
1. Are their benefits to being a single parent?
2. What are the challenges of being a single parent?
3. How do I know if I can handle being a single parent?
4. What is the key to being a good single parent?
5. Does single parenting change depending on the age of the child?
6. What if I unexpectedly become a single parent?
7. What are the do's and don't's of shared parent custody?
8. Why should I keep a journal as a single parent?
(V) SINGLE PARENT FINANCES:
1. Why is a "budget" important for a single parent?
2. Should I rely on credit cards as a single parent?
3. How can I get my ex to help pay for the children's expenses?
4. Are there tax breaks for single parents?
5. How can a single parent save on groceries?
6. What if my ex has ruined my credit?
7. How do I establish or improve my credit as a single parent?
8. What are money-saving tips for a single parent?
(VI) SINGLE PARENT HOUSING:
1. Who should move out after a family separation?
2. Where am I going to live if I become a single parent?
3. Should I move in with a relative if I become a single parent?
4. How can I afford housing if I become a single parent?
5. What assistance is available for a single parent?
6. Are there programs where single parents can live together?
7. What are the benefits of living with another single parent?
8. What if the other parent's home is not child-proofed?
(VII) SINGLE PARENTING RESOURCES:
1. Where can I find resources for single parents?
2. What is a 'single parent support group'?
3. Why should I join a single parent support group?
4. How do I start a single parent support group?
(VIII) SINGLE PARENT CHILDCARE:
1. How do I find affordable child care as a single parent?
2. How long can I leave my child alone if I'm a single parent?
3. Are after-school activities helpful for a single parent?
4. Where can I find after-school activities for my child?
5. How can I find other single parents to share childcare?
6. How do I find a babysitter if I'm a single parent?
(IX) SINGLE PARENTING AND VISITATION:
1. How do I plan my children's visit to see their other parent?
2. How do I make my children's "hand-off" less stressful?
3. What if my children ask to visit their other parent?
4. What if I don't want my children to visit their other parent?
5. What if the other parent refuses to let me see my child?
6. How do I control my jealousy when my child visits the other parent?
7. What if my child's other parent is negligent or irresponsible?
8. How do I make the most of my child's weekend visits?
9. How can I get my children's other parent to see them more often?
10. Why does my child seem angry after spending time with the other?
11. What if my child wants to come home early from the other parent?
(X) SINGLE PARENT WORK ISSUES:
1. Should I talk to my boss about my situation?
2. How can I spend time with my child if I work?
3. Can I get a flexible work schedule as I am a single parent?
4. What if I can't afford to work part time and can't afford childcare?
5. Should I go back to school to get a better job if I'm a single parent?
6. How do I find time to go back to school if I'm a single parent?
(XI) SINGLE PARENT TIME MANAGEMENT:
1. Why is 'time management' important to a single parent?
2. How do I manage my time as a single parent?
3. How do I schedule my time with each child as a single parent?
4. How do I make time to do chores and errands as a single parent?
5. How do I make time to cook for my children as a single parent?
6. How do I make time for myself as a single parent?
(XII) SINGLE PARENT DISCIPLINE OF CHILDREN:
1. Will discipling my children make them love their other parent more?
2. How do I discipline my child if I'm a single parent?
3. What if my child's other parent does not discipline?
4. How do I solve discipline issues with my child's other parent?
5. What if my child becomes unmanageable because of the separation?
6. What if single parenting makes me too tired to deal with my kids?
7. What if single parenting makes me impatient with my kids?
(XIII) SINGLE PARENTING DURING THE HOLIDAYS:
1. What if my children are with the other parent for the holidays?
2. How can I as a single parent make a holiday fun for my child?
3. What if I can't afford to give my child a great holiday?
4. How do I share my child's birthday with my ex?
(XIV) SINGLE PARENTING AND MY EX'S NEW SPOUSE:
1. Should I allow my child to call my ex's new spouse mom or dad?
2. What if I'm jealous of my ex's new spouse?
3. What if my ex's new spouse spoils my child?
4. What if my ex's new spouse talks badly about me?
5. What if my ex's new spouse mistreats my child?
6. How should I handle custody arrangements if my ex remarries?
(XV) SINGLE PARENTING AND DATING:
1. What are some dating tips for single parents?
2. Where can I find a date if I'm a single parent?
3. What is a good tip for dating another single parent?
4. Will my child become angry if I start dating?
5. What should I tell my child about my dating?
6. When should I introduce a date to my child?
7. If I'm a single parent, should I allow dates to sleep over?
8. Should I allow a new partner to move in with the family?
9. What are some tips for dating after a divorce?
(I) SINGLE PARENTING EMOTIONS:
1. Is it normal to feel depressed about single parenting?
2. How do I cope with depression as a single parent?
3. Is it normal to feel inadequate about single parenting?
4. How do I become more confident as a single parent?
5. How do I handle the stress of single parenting?
(II) PREPARING YOURSELF FOR SINGLE PARENTING:
1. Is there any way to financially prepare for single parenting?
2. Why is it important to find support before single parenting?
3. How do I find support before becoming a single parent?
4. When should I find a lawyer during a family separation?
5. Why is mediation better than a lawyer during a family separation?
6. Why should I stay on good terms with my partner during separation?
7. What if my partner refuses to be civil during our separation?
8. How can my partner and I keep our separation civil?
(III) PREPARING CHILDREN FOR SINGLE PARENTING:
1. When should I talk to my child about our family separation?
2. How can I help my child cope with family separation?
3. How to my explain my partner's abandonment to my child?
4. What if my child is angry at me for the family separation?
5. What if my child becomes distant during the family separation?
6. Should I allow my children to decide their custody?
7. Should I tell my child's school about the family separation?
8. Should my children tell their friends about the family separation?
9. How should parents divide a child's property?
(IV) SINGLE PARENT BASICS:
1. Are their benefits to being a single parent?
2. What are the challenges of being a single parent?
3. How do I know if I can handle being a single parent?
4. What is the key to being a good single parent?
5. Does single parenting change depending on the age of the child?
6. What if I unexpectedly become a single parent?
7. What are the do's and don't's of shared parent custody?
8. Why should I keep a journal as a single parent?
(V) SINGLE PARENT FINANCES:
1. Why is a "budget" important for a single parent?
2. Should I rely on credit cards as a single parent?
3. How can I get my ex to help pay for the children's expenses?
4. Are there tax breaks for single parents?
5. How can a single parent save on groceries?
6. What if my ex has ruined my credit?
7. How do I establish or improve my credit as a single parent?
8. What are money-saving tips for a single parent?
(VI) SINGLE PARENT HOUSING:
1. Who should move out after a family separation?
2. Where am I going to live if I become a single parent?
3. Should I move in with a relative if I become a single parent?
4. How can I afford housing if I become a single parent?
5. What assistance is available for a single parent?
6. Are there programs where single parents can live together?
7. What are the benefits of living with another single parent?
8. What if the other parent's home is not child-proofed?
(VII) SINGLE PARENTING RESOURCES:
1. Where can I find resources for single parents?
2. What is a 'single parent support group'?
3. Why should I join a single parent support group?
4. How do I start a single parent support group?
(VIII) SINGLE PARENT CHILDCARE:
1. How do I find affordable child care as a single parent?
2. How long can I leave my child alone if I'm a single parent?
3. Are after-school activities helpful for a single parent?
4. Where can I find after-school activities for my child?
5. How can I find other single parents to share childcare?
6. How do I find a babysitter if I'm a single parent?
(IX) SINGLE PARENTING AND VISITATION:
1. How do I plan my children's visit to see their other parent?
2. How do I make my children's "hand-off" less stressful?
3. What if my children ask to visit their other parent?
4. What if I don't want my children to visit their other parent?
5. What if the other parent refuses to let me see my child?
6. How do I control my jealousy when my child visits the other parent?
7. What if my child's other parent is negligent or irresponsible?
8. How do I make the most of my child's weekend visits?
9. How can I get my children's other parent to see them more often?
10. Why does my child seem angry after spending time with the other?
11. What if my child wants to come home early from the other parent?
(X) SINGLE PARENT WORK ISSUES:
1. Should I talk to my boss about my situation?
2. How can I spend time with my child if I work?
3. Can I get a flexible work schedule as I am a single parent?
4. What if I can't afford to work part time and can't afford childcare?
5. Should I go back to school to get a better job if I'm a single parent?
6. How do I find time to go back to school if I'm a single parent?
(XI) SINGLE PARENT TIME MANAGEMENT:
1. Why is 'time management' important to a single parent?
2. How do I manage my time as a single parent?
3. How do I schedule my time with each child as a single parent?
4. How do I make time to do chores and errands as a single parent?
5. How do I make time to cook for my children as a single parent?
6. How do I make time for myself as a single parent?
(XII) SINGLE PARENT DISCIPLINE OF CHILDREN:
1. Will discipling my children make them love their other parent more?
2. How do I discipline my child if I'm a single parent?
3. What if my child's other parent does not discipline?
4. How do I solve discipline issues with my child's other parent?
5. What if my child becomes unmanageable because of the separation?
6. What if single parenting makes me too tired to deal with my kids?
7. What if single parenting makes me impatient with my kids?
(XIII) SINGLE PARENTING DURING THE HOLIDAYS:
1. What if my children are with the other parent for the holidays?
2. How can I as a single parent make a holiday fun for my child?
3. What if I can't afford to give my child a great holiday?
4. How do I share my child's birthday with my ex?
(XIV) SINGLE PARENTING AND MY EX'S NEW SPOUSE:
1. Should I allow my child to call my ex's new spouse mom or dad?
2. What if I'm jealous of my ex's new spouse?
3. What if my ex's new spouse spoils my child?
4. What if my ex's new spouse talks badly about me?
5. What if my ex's new spouse mistreats my child?
6. How should I handle custody arrangements if my ex remarries?
(XV) SINGLE PARENTING AND DATING:
1. What are some dating tips for single parents?
2. Where can I find a date if I'm a single parent?
3. What is a good tip for dating another single parent?
4. Will my child become angry if I start dating?
5. What should I tell my child about my dating?
6. When should I introduce a date to my child?
7. If I'm a single parent, should I allow dates to sleep over?
8. Should I allow a new partner to move in with the family?
9. What are some tips for dating after a divorce?
SELF-DEFENSE FOR CHILDREN
from Bullies and would-be Perpetrators:
Bully "9-11", - Protect Your Children [1:02]
How To Break Free from a "STRAIGHT ARM GRAB" [1:42]
How To Break Free From a "STRAIGHT CHOKE HOLD" [0:34]
How To Break Free From a "HEADLOCK" [1:07]
How To Defend Against a "HAIR GRAB" [0:50]
How To Defend Against a "FOREARM GRAB" [1:12]
How To Defend Against a "CROSS-ARM GRAB" [1:45]
How To Defend Against a "SHOULDER GRAB" [0:36]
How To Defend Against a "REAR CHOKE HOLD" [1:05]
How To Break Free From a "BEAR HUG" [0:44]
Girl Escapes From "WRIST GRABS" & "CHOKE HOLDS" [1:32]
Charlie the "KARATE-CHIMP!!!!!" [0:25]
Charlie the "KARATE-CHIMP MUSIC VIDEO!!!!!" [2:54]
from Bullies and would-be Perpetrators:
Bully "9-11", - Protect Your Children [1:02]
How To Break Free from a "STRAIGHT ARM GRAB" [1:42]
How To Break Free From a "STRAIGHT CHOKE HOLD" [0:34]
How To Break Free From a "HEADLOCK" [1:07]
How To Defend Against a "HAIR GRAB" [0:50]
How To Defend Against a "FOREARM GRAB" [1:12]
How To Defend Against a "CROSS-ARM GRAB" [1:45]
How To Defend Against a "SHOULDER GRAB" [0:36]
How To Defend Against a "REAR CHOKE HOLD" [1:05]
How To Break Free From a "BEAR HUG" [0:44]
Girl Escapes From "WRIST GRABS" & "CHOKE HOLDS" [1:32]
Charlie the "KARATE-CHIMP!!!!!" [0:25]
Charlie the "KARATE-CHIMP MUSIC VIDEO!!!!!" [2:54]
*PARENT ALIENATION*
(The Phenomenon of One Parent Using Children and Family Law Court Maliciously Against Another Parent. - Including Wrongfully Convincing a Child that His or Her Other Parent is Bad or Unfit to Parent):
Parent Alienation Syndrom (Dr. Jayne Majors)
Parent Alienation Syndrom [A Further Definition]
Parent Alienation Syndrom (Moreah Ragusa)
"Courts From Hell" (Author: Frank Simons)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (1 of 4)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (2 of 4)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (3 of 4)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (4 of 4)
Chris Chartier on "Family Court Abuse" (1 of 3)
Chris Chartier on "Family Court Abuse" (2 of 3)
Chris Chartier on "Family Court Abuse" (3 of 3)
(The Phenomenon of One Parent Using Children and Family Law Court Maliciously Against Another Parent. - Including Wrongfully Convincing a Child that His or Her Other Parent is Bad or Unfit to Parent):
Parent Alienation Syndrom (Dr. Jayne Majors)
Parent Alienation Syndrom [A Further Definition]
Parent Alienation Syndrom (Moreah Ragusa)
"Courts From Hell" (Author: Frank Simons)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (1 of 4)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (2 of 4)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (3 of 4)
Bob Geldof on Parent Alienation (4 of 4)
Chris Chartier on "Family Court Abuse" (1 of 3)
Chris Chartier on "Family Court Abuse" (2 of 3)
Chris Chartier on "Family Court Abuse" (3 of 3)
VIDEOS RELATED TO THE TOPIC OF "RELIEVING STRESS"
Stress Management (Part 1 of 3) / Paula Cardinas of Mojo.Com [1:35]
Stress Management (Part 2 of 3) / Paula Cardinas of Mojo.Com [1:01]
Stress Management (Part 3 of 3) / Paula Cardinas of Mojo.Com [2:10]
Stress Tip #1: "Do One Thing At A Time" / G. Gaynor McTigue [2:33]
Stress Tip #2: "Throw Away Something Every Day" / McTigue [1:54]
Stress Tip #3: "Steer Clear of Negative People" / McTigue [1:44]
Stress Tip #4: "Have Small Intimate Get-Togethers" [1:27]
Stress Tip #5: "Work Changes Into Your Life Gradually" [1:37]
Stress Tip #6: "Decrease Competitiveness" [1:50]
Stress Tip #7: "Be Aware Of How You React" [1:34]
Stress Tip #8: ""One Sport Per Child Per Season" [1:37]
Stress Tip #9: "Don't Flip-Out Choosing Wallpaper!" [1:37]
Stress Management (Part 1 of 3) / Paula Cardinas of Mojo.Com [1:35]
Stress Management (Part 2 of 3) / Paula Cardinas of Mojo.Com [1:01]
Stress Management (Part 3 of 3) / Paula Cardinas of Mojo.Com [2:10]
Stress Tip #1: "Do One Thing At A Time" / G. Gaynor McTigue [2:33]
Stress Tip #2: "Throw Away Something Every Day" / McTigue [1:54]
Stress Tip #3: "Steer Clear of Negative People" / McTigue [1:44]
Stress Tip #4: "Have Small Intimate Get-Togethers" [1:27]
Stress Tip #5: "Work Changes Into Your Life Gradually" [1:37]
Stress Tip #6: "Decrease Competitiveness" [1:50]
Stress Tip #7: "Be Aware Of How You React" [1:34]
Stress Tip #8: ""One Sport Per Child Per Season" [1:37]
Stress Tip #9: "Don't Flip-Out Choosing Wallpaper!" [1:37]
THE TEN ACTION PRINCIPLES
OF THE "PARENT TEAM INTERVENTION PROGRAM":
(1) Your struggle is never against your child, but against a SYSTEM.
That "system", or "toxic network, supports your child to make unwise, even dangerous decisions in both thought and behavior. The "gang mentality" from the negatively supporting system, creates in many teens a "pseudo self". A false and perverted self-esteem that convinces the adolescent that he or she is stronger, more courages and wiser than parents and other adults in justifiable authority. The system that supports your child wrongly usually consists of other misguided peers, always some unlawful adult(s), and of course drug dealers and other persons seeking illicit gain at your family's expense.
(2) It takes a system to change a system.
Because parents in our current generation are faced with a "societal" problem often beyond a "familial" problem, in a major number of cases it is not possible to curb incorrigible and injurious behavior of youth with one or two parents alone. One reason for this is because a large number of teenagers have learned to "divide and conquer" as it were. Put another way, these children "keep all adults in their lives divided and misinformed." - Thus manipulating all adults in authority, especially parents. In some theoretical approaches of psychotherapy, this is called "Triangulation". To stop the power of some teens to triangulate, a "team" approach to intervention is necessary. As the child observes a "team" counseling, supporting and elevating the child's parent or parents to healthy capacity, the toxic network, or enabling system that supports the child in harmful defiance, decreases in influence. The "Team" acts essentially as "Conscience" in the child's life, until the instant the child makes good decisions. At that time the adult "Team" in the child's life pulls back and congragulates the child for a good job done.
The "Parent Team" is a unit not to be divided for the purpose of successful intervention in the best interest of the child. In a confidential and therapeutic setting such an adult team often includes the child's parent, guardian, a juvenile probation officer if applicable, other parents in the intervention program, as well as one or more mental health professionals as primary facilitators in the intervention program. (Note: Other participants in PTIP team intervention has been school teachers, sports coaches, uncles, aunts, grandparents, Church and youth ministers, etc..)
The purpose of the professional facilitation of PTIP intervention is to "unite in a common cause for the good of the child". For an example, if a child is on probation, the Juvenile Probation Officer is welcome to attend the weekly PTIP group meeting based on that P.O.'s ability to do so. In either case, the teenager's Diversion or Juvenile Probation Contract becomes the professional counseling program's "Treatment Plan" for monitoring of progress. Literally n the weekly PTIP group meeting the teenager stands up and reads the mandates of his or her Probation contract, then articulates if the requirements of that contract have been met the previous week. Progress and growth towards developing internal coping skills are precisely measured by the youth's compliance or lack of compliance to Juvenile Probation Contract agreements.
As a final outline of this segment of the PTIP Intervention Program procedure note the following:
(a) The child's parent become's the child's "Intervention Program Director".
(b) The child's home becomes the child's "Residential Treatment Center".
(c) Within the child's home are established "Residential Treatment Procedure" for the purpose of "assisting the child to incorperate good decision making" with use of "Internal Coping Skills" .
(d) The mental halth professional (such as in California a "Marriage and Family Therapist), facilitates through education and counseling the ability of parents and guardians to be functional "Directors of ther kids Intervention".
(e) Other professionals are invited to witness and participate in PTIP Team Meetings upon the discretion and recommendation of the Professional Therapist and the child's parent(s), foster parent(s), or legal guardian(s).
(f) In respects to acting-out youth who are on probation, urine analysis screening is accomplished at a reliable professional laboratory to monitor use or nonuse of controlled substances. These UA results, as well as specific progress of the adolescent in the PTIP Program, is sent in written reports by a PTIP Professional Therapist to the child's probation officer on a monthly basis by signed release of the child's parent, foster parent, or legal guardian.
(g) The average time of Professional counseling and intervention of each family per month is from 9 to 12 hours. The cost of services is paid by the parents themselves and/or from a variety of prominent insurance companies. (Grant proposals are in the making for assisting families without insurance.)
(3) With team support, every problem is an opportunity. Controlled crisis facilitates change. Deciding your child will act in ways that are responsible might seem difficult at first. However, being a part of a "team" of adults changes the psychology of everything. Among other contributions, it restores your role and position as Parent in a complicated society.
(4) Your child’s greatest weakness is your child’s greatest strength. Your child’s greatest strength or gift when he or she is behaving poorly, are governed essentially by passive and/or aggressive anger. Because of this anger or resentment, your child’s personality strength or gift at that time manifests in ways that are dysfunctional and unwise for the benefit of the child. (Remember the analogy of "The expert chef baking terrible cakes!")
(5) "YOU" are the Director of your child’s intervention.
You have always been, and will always be, the "expert" when it comes to your child. You have within you as parent, information regarding your child that was given to you by God. Your Creator placed inside you a "knowing" regarding what is best for your child in many of life’s complicated circumstances. Although a counseling professional, pastor or priest may assist you in decisions, you as parent are the "expert" when it comes to your child. (Specifically, a therapist or any other competent individual is a "facilitator", bringing out from inside you what knowledge, experience and information you possess on matters concerning your child.. (Anytime a professional claims to be an "expert" on your child, they do you a great disservice. Thus when he or she helps you in being a better parent, they rob you of the greater truth, that you always knew the things explained to you, only forgot them because of people who claimed to know more than you do! By succeeding they fail, for in winning, they teach you, the parent, that the answer to matters of your child is found outside of you. Basic "information" is helpful, but never doubt the wisdom that was given you the day your son or daughter was born. Experience can aide you, but no other child in the world is just like yours.)
(6) Natural consequences restore reasoning capacity and internal coping skill administration in the mind and emotion of a child. Never reason with your child so long as your child takes your effort to reason, and with it, undermines your role as parent. This will only empower the child to continue doing so, while you will be left believing there is something wrong with "YOU"! Always remember which one of you is the "Parent" and which one is the "Child". (Our kids will have ample opportunity to experience the challenge of being parents themselves someday. Only then will it be their turn.)
(7) Do nothing alone. Your permission to allow other "Parent Team Intervention Members" to support you in decisions and enforcement of natural consequences for your child, empowers the program to serve both you and your child more effectively. (Remember, many of our children have a "network of support" encouraging them, even brainwashing, to defy loving authority. For this reason your child sometimes appears strong, confident and callous against you in an argument.)
(8) "Any ten adults are smarter than any one kid!!!" Together we parents and professionals create interesting and very notable solutions to the challenges of parenting out-of-control youth. (You might be surprised at what a "room full of grownups" come up with in creating structure, assignments, ability to monitor, and consequences for at-risk, out-of-control youth!)
(9) Avoid triangulation against team members and/or your therapist. Keep lines of communication open. What grievances that might arise, are far less important than the welfare and safety of your child. Remember, "you" are the Director of your child’s intervention. The only way "Team Intervention" can fail, is if your child, or members of the outside system, succeed in separating you from your team who are there for the good of your family.
(10) Together we will never quit, and do whatever it takes. No words can express the worth of your son or daughter. Help us help you. Choose now, and every moment, to not give up until you and we together succeed in the best interest of your young or older children.
OF THE "PARENT TEAM INTERVENTION PROGRAM":
(1) Your struggle is never against your child, but against a SYSTEM.
That "system", or "toxic network, supports your child to make unwise, even dangerous decisions in both thought and behavior. The "gang mentality" from the negatively supporting system, creates in many teens a "pseudo self". A false and perverted self-esteem that convinces the adolescent that he or she is stronger, more courages and wiser than parents and other adults in justifiable authority. The system that supports your child wrongly usually consists of other misguided peers, always some unlawful adult(s), and of course drug dealers and other persons seeking illicit gain at your family's expense.
(2) It takes a system to change a system.
Because parents in our current generation are faced with a "societal" problem often beyond a "familial" problem, in a major number of cases it is not possible to curb incorrigible and injurious behavior of youth with one or two parents alone. One reason for this is because a large number of teenagers have learned to "divide and conquer" as it were. Put another way, these children "keep all adults in their lives divided and misinformed." - Thus manipulating all adults in authority, especially parents. In some theoretical approaches of psychotherapy, this is called "Triangulation". To stop the power of some teens to triangulate, a "team" approach to intervention is necessary. As the child observes a "team" counseling, supporting and elevating the child's parent or parents to healthy capacity, the toxic network, or enabling system that supports the child in harmful defiance, decreases in influence. The "Team" acts essentially as "Conscience" in the child's life, until the instant the child makes good decisions. At that time the adult "Team" in the child's life pulls back and congragulates the child for a good job done.
The "Parent Team" is a unit not to be divided for the purpose of successful intervention in the best interest of the child. In a confidential and therapeutic setting such an adult team often includes the child's parent, guardian, a juvenile probation officer if applicable, other parents in the intervention program, as well as one or more mental health professionals as primary facilitators in the intervention program. (Note: Other participants in PTIP team intervention has been school teachers, sports coaches, uncles, aunts, grandparents, Church and youth ministers, etc..)
The purpose of the professional facilitation of PTIP intervention is to "unite in a common cause for the good of the child". For an example, if a child is on probation, the Juvenile Probation Officer is welcome to attend the weekly PTIP group meeting based on that P.O.'s ability to do so. In either case, the teenager's Diversion or Juvenile Probation Contract becomes the professional counseling program's "Treatment Plan" for monitoring of progress. Literally n the weekly PTIP group meeting the teenager stands up and reads the mandates of his or her Probation contract, then articulates if the requirements of that contract have been met the previous week. Progress and growth towards developing internal coping skills are precisely measured by the youth's compliance or lack of compliance to Juvenile Probation Contract agreements.
As a final outline of this segment of the PTIP Intervention Program procedure note the following:
(a) The child's parent become's the child's "Intervention Program Director".
(b) The child's home becomes the child's "Residential Treatment Center".
(c) Within the child's home are established "Residential Treatment Procedure" for the purpose of "assisting the child to incorperate good decision making" with use of "Internal Coping Skills" .
(d) The mental halth professional (such as in California a "Marriage and Family Therapist), facilitates through education and counseling the ability of parents and guardians to be functional "Directors of ther kids Intervention".
(e) Other professionals are invited to witness and participate in PTIP Team Meetings upon the discretion and recommendation of the Professional Therapist and the child's parent(s), foster parent(s), or legal guardian(s).
(f) In respects to acting-out youth who are on probation, urine analysis screening is accomplished at a reliable professional laboratory to monitor use or nonuse of controlled substances. These UA results, as well as specific progress of the adolescent in the PTIP Program, is sent in written reports by a PTIP Professional Therapist to the child's probation officer on a monthly basis by signed release of the child's parent, foster parent, or legal guardian.
(g) The average time of Professional counseling and intervention of each family per month is from 9 to 12 hours. The cost of services is paid by the parents themselves and/or from a variety of prominent insurance companies. (Grant proposals are in the making for assisting families without insurance.)
(3) With team support, every problem is an opportunity. Controlled crisis facilitates change. Deciding your child will act in ways that are responsible might seem difficult at first. However, being a part of a "team" of adults changes the psychology of everything. Among other contributions, it restores your role and position as Parent in a complicated society.
(4) Your child’s greatest weakness is your child’s greatest strength. Your child’s greatest strength or gift when he or she is behaving poorly, are governed essentially by passive and/or aggressive anger. Because of this anger or resentment, your child’s personality strength or gift at that time manifests in ways that are dysfunctional and unwise for the benefit of the child. (Remember the analogy of "The expert chef baking terrible cakes!")
(5) "YOU" are the Director of your child’s intervention.
You have always been, and will always be, the "expert" when it comes to your child. You have within you as parent, information regarding your child that was given to you by God. Your Creator placed inside you a "knowing" regarding what is best for your child in many of life’s complicated circumstances. Although a counseling professional, pastor or priest may assist you in decisions, you as parent are the "expert" when it comes to your child. (Specifically, a therapist or any other competent individual is a "facilitator", bringing out from inside you what knowledge, experience and information you possess on matters concerning your child.. (Anytime a professional claims to be an "expert" on your child, they do you a great disservice. Thus when he or she helps you in being a better parent, they rob you of the greater truth, that you always knew the things explained to you, only forgot them because of people who claimed to know more than you do! By succeeding they fail, for in winning, they teach you, the parent, that the answer to matters of your child is found outside of you. Basic "information" is helpful, but never doubt the wisdom that was given you the day your son or daughter was born. Experience can aide you, but no other child in the world is just like yours.)
(6) Natural consequences restore reasoning capacity and internal coping skill administration in the mind and emotion of a child. Never reason with your child so long as your child takes your effort to reason, and with it, undermines your role as parent. This will only empower the child to continue doing so, while you will be left believing there is something wrong with "YOU"! Always remember which one of you is the "Parent" and which one is the "Child". (Our kids will have ample opportunity to experience the challenge of being parents themselves someday. Only then will it be their turn.)
(7) Do nothing alone. Your permission to allow other "Parent Team Intervention Members" to support you in decisions and enforcement of natural consequences for your child, empowers the program to serve both you and your child more effectively. (Remember, many of our children have a "network of support" encouraging them, even brainwashing, to defy loving authority. For this reason your child sometimes appears strong, confident and callous against you in an argument.)
(8) "Any ten adults are smarter than any one kid!!!" Together we parents and professionals create interesting and very notable solutions to the challenges of parenting out-of-control youth. (You might be surprised at what a "room full of grownups" come up with in creating structure, assignments, ability to monitor, and consequences for at-risk, out-of-control youth!)
(9) Avoid triangulation against team members and/or your therapist. Keep lines of communication open. What grievances that might arise, are far less important than the welfare and safety of your child. Remember, "you" are the Director of your child’s intervention. The only way "Team Intervention" can fail, is if your child, or members of the outside system, succeed in separating you from your team who are there for the good of your family.
(10) Together we will never quit, and do whatever it takes. No words can express the worth of your son or daughter. Help us help you. Choose now, and every moment, to not give up until you and we together succeed in the best interest of your young or older children.
Short "Daily Readings" that can help you keep perspective as you proceed in education and growth:
(PARENTS) Parent Team daily readings:
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(August) 9th. 10th. 11th. 12th. 13th. 14th. 15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th.
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(September) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th. 8th. 9th. 10th. 11th. 12th. 13th. 14th. 15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th. 30th.
(October) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th. 8th. 9th. 10th. *11th. *12th. *13th. *14th. *15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th. 30th. 31st.
(November) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th. 8th. 9th. 10th. 11th. 12th. 13th. 14th. 15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th. 30th.
(December) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th.
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(TEENS and SELECTED CHILDREN) daily readings:
(August) 9th. 10th. 11th. 12th. 13th. 14th. 15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th.
(September) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th . 8th . 9th. 10th. 11th. 12th. 13th. 14th. 15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th. 30th.
(October) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th. 8th. 9th. 10th. *11th. *12th. *13. *14th. *15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th. 30th. 31st.
(November) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th. 8th. 9th. 10th. 11th. 12th. 13th. 14th. 15th. 16th. 17th. 18th. 19th. 20th. 21st. 22nd. 23rd. 24th. 25th. 26th. 27th. 28th. 29th. 30th.
(December) 1st. 2nd. 3rd. 4th. 5th. 6th. 7th.
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